dj_clawson (dj_clawson) wrote,

Things I Learned from the Movie "Immortals"

1. It is really easy to get anywhere in Greece like, immediately.

2. The Bronze Age had way more steel than you think. Tons of it, actually.

3. The titans are dicks.

4. The gods are way bigger dicks.

5. Men who don't believe in the gods because the gods have never appeared or helped them out in any way in their awful lives are dicks.

6. Someone who tries to end the reign of the gods, no matter how well-reasoned his argument (they're dicks), how big his utterly understandable grudge (they never help humans out EVER), and how much better the world would be without them (a lot), is the biggest dick of them all for doing that.

7. The good guy, who is a dick who beats people up and is showered with presents from the gods but doesn't appreciate them or even say thank you when they roll all of his enemies right in front of him is somehow not a dick. He is the guy you should be rooting for.

8. Gods, titans, humans - they all pretty much go down like punks. The ease with which you can kill someone in a single hit isn't affected by how immortal they are.

9. Like any other age, it sucked to be a woman in the bronze age. But at least you didn't have to do much in the way of fighting. It was more about waiting around to get tortured and raped.

10. The reason we have monotheism today is because all of the gods got killed for being stupid dicks. Good riddance, I say.
Tags: movie review

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